Journal:
I have no words to describe what happened today. We received word at about noon that the Auburn Rangers have suffered a severe defeat and are falling back in serious disarray. Early this evening, the first shattered men arrived in camp. They were covered in mud and blood and all were wounded in some way. They continue to arrive in groups of two’s and three’s though never any larger groups. Riders from our 2nd division who are familiar to the plains have been dispatched to uncover what happened and help rescue survivors. I volunteered my A Troop for this duty but was immediately rebuffed.
The camp a few days ago was riding high with the expectation of decisive action and a quick return to our homes and families. That confidence is gone and has been replaced by creeping fear as every man looks to the survivors who are among the bravest of us and sees only his own death at the hands of a remorseless foe. If the Rangers were abused so badly that not 1 in 4 remains alive then how can the rest of us survive. I see this thought etched on the face of every man I see.
Just before nightfall, I assembled my entire troop, 150 men, and bade them remember the defeat we handed our foe with our own hands, unhorsed, and unprepared in the dead of night. How together with Taylor’s infantry, we utterly destroyed them and ground their lives out into the dust. I told them that we will do this again and soon. We will take vengeance on those that have slain our brothers. The entire camp will be looking to us, as we have seen the foe and taken his measure. If we display fear at these recent events, they will be afraid. If we display the grim determination to see this through to the end, they will all take heart.
They were brave words and sincerely spoken, but for the disquiet in my heart that tells me otherwise.
